WRITTEN: 27th December 2009

Ello me dears, Flange here! Welcome to the Christmas edition (slightly late and typed on Boxing Day due to too much alcohol) of Flangela Bites!

Oh how festive I’ve felt this year! The now really helped, that and the fact that I’ve had endless amounts of mince pies and Sambukka! I was as stubborn as a Christmas mule when it came to wearing heels in the snow. Well, why should I? I’m sure real women don’t!

Dragging up in heels and trainers gave me some sort of feminist attitude, that added with my new Mohawk wig seemed to attract the lesbians! At first I was flattered and actually got into the extremely close dancing they do… Jesus they practically scissor on the dancefloor! By the time I made it out of the club my wig looked like I’d been gang-raped, I was missing a tit and I had these funny crusty bits on my jeans that even Persil won’t shift!

Now a new little haunt that recently landed in the village really caught my eye this Christmas… It’s called The Parlour, propa fookin cosy, reminds me of a bar in the Northern Quarter! I was in there the other night having a sneaky sherry before work. I was gazing outside when a guy top to toe in leather came up out of Company Bar for a ciggy. (At this point I must point out he looked more of a “dom” than a “sub”, which makes this even funnier.) The next thing he slipped on the ice and went down like a sack of shit! Well of course I barked laughing, spraying some poor lass with my drink, she was stood with a group of trendy bears so I had to make a quick exit!

Yesterday (Christmas Day) was rather interesting! I think my family have only just about got their head round the fact that I’m a gay drag-queen, so when I tuned up this year with my hubby and my best friend, they didn’t know what hit them! One old relative, bless her… very respectable and VERY ancient lent over and whispered to my uncle “Who are the other two?”… I didn’t catch what he said but she replied “Oh, there’s three of them?”. I nearly choked on a sprout! Next year I’m expecting rainbow flags and quiche Lorraine!

Now I can’t wait for New Years Eve! Only because this year at midnight I won’t be working, WHOOPIE!!! Yes I’ll be dancing my ass off in Cruz101… I say that, I’ll probably be munted and rolling around on the carpet next to the bar!

Well I’m off to watch Sherlock Holmes now, I only want to see it because they filmed most of it round the back of Basement Sauna, haha!

Hope you enjoy the rest of Christmas and have a very cool Yule!

Hugs n mistletoe Kisses
Flangela xx