WRITTEN: 16th January 2010

Hiya luvs! Flange here…

Yes, I know it’s long overdue but HAPPY NEW YEAR! I would have got around to blogging earlier but… erm…. Yes, I’ll admit it, I am just a lazy cow! Well, I could have made some cock n’ bull excuse about how the snow’s playing havoc with my dongle but I do find it hard to lie these days. Did I mention how hot Susan Boyle is looking these days, phwoar!

Well it’s been a bit of a weird start to the year – the UK nearly ground to a halt due to a lack of salt… I blame Iris Robinson, the dirty old slapper! I do feel a tad sorry for the old bird though, she has had a fair amount of stick – anyway, here’s to you Mrs Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know, YOU BIG HOE!

I was shocked to hear the other day about the closure of one of the villages most loved and frequented establishments - no I’m not talking about my legs, duh! I’m talking about Essential! After ten years strong Essential said farewell to make room for some fresh meat (Hands off Iris, it’s a gay club not a young lad!). After a big Facebook campaign and a few queeny strops Essential WILL be opening its doors for one final blow-out on Saturday 6th Feb! I can’t wait!!!

Now here comes a shameful plug – wait for it… TheGayVillageOnline.com now has its own online SHOP! I myself have sampled some of the saucy merchandise, I found the “Golden Root” goes down a treat if you slip it in the drink of someone you’re trying to pull. I’ve also tried the Colt “Blow Job Masturbator” – I toyed with the idea of trying “Jimmys Mouth Fleshjack” but the lips resembled Heidi Fleiss from Celebrity Big Brother far too much for my liking! Eeek!

Not only can you purchase all your kinky rubber stuff, you can also now buy THEATRE & CONCERT TICKETS! (After that plug I better get some freebies or I’m off to write for The Guardian!)

Whilst I’m on the subject of kinky stuff, I have to tell you what happened when I went to stay at my Mums the other night. I was sat in my bedroom with my Mum, chilling out after Corrie. I decided to go have a rummage through my old DVDs that were in a bag at the bottom of my wardrobe gathering dust. So I was flicking through, came across a copy of “Queer as Folk” at which point my mum swiftly diverted her attention to the ceiling. Well, I carried on flicking through past chick flicks and horror films (the sort a young teenage boy, I mean girl would have) – then the next thing to my sheer HORROR I came across “Dirty Dicks Volume 9”. Honestly, couldn’t it have been “EuroChicken” or something like that, oh no! I think I can say goodbye to any inheritance unless I produce her a grandchild after that!

In the words of them Irish chicks with bad teeth and denim shirts – “C’est La Vie”!
Until next time (I get off my tranny arse) Tata

Luv Flangela xx